Four Times Jim Almost Told Pam
by Wendy Blue
Summary: and one time he did. A follow up to my Five Times fic with Pam, enjoy!


**A/N: Hooray for another "five times" fic. These are awfully fun to write, I might become addicted. One giant thank you to GoodNightSweetGirl for the amazing idea! And of course, to Mr. Mose for helping me pick the best JAM moments. Enjoy!**

They're taking down all Office Olympic paraphernalia and thinking up ways to make Flonkerton more extreme. Pam suggests they light the boxes on fire and Jim accuses her of being sadistic. Her laughter rings in his ears and he thinks how easy it would be to just tell her. To tell her right now, in between her fits of giggles, and casually mention that she's perfect. Then, as is almost always the case, right about the time he has enough adrenaline coursing through him to actually tell her, Roy shows up looking tired and impatient and gruffly tells her its time to leave. Jim focuses on the white paper doves in front of him, but sees the sadness on her face out of the corner of his eye. She begins to explain that she needs to help clean up and she only needed a few more minutes. At the sound of Roy's exasperated sigh and him telling her to find another ride home if she's not ready, Jim's fist clenches and he's gone and killed a dove. He hears Roy walking away and glances at Pam to try and gauge her reaction. Her delicate features are fraught with worry and she looks at him with a mixture of embarrassment and guilt. He can't stand that look, so he holds up the dead dove and says that it appears the Olympics are already plenty extreme. Her face softens and she doesn't have to say anything for Jim to know that she's grateful for the laugh. Then she asks if he doesn't mind finishing the rest so that maybe she can try and catch Roy before he leaves. Jim nods and assures her its fine and watches her rush to grab her coat and leave, a flurry of brown curls dancing on her shoulder blades as she takes quick steps. She pokes her head around the corner one last time to give him a quick wave before she's off again, and he's left alone holding a paper dove carcass. He looks at it and realizes that it's only really funny when she's there to laugh about it with him.

x

He's not sure he's ever spent a full fourteen hours with anyone before. Much less spending a good amount of that time reading quite possibly the worst screenplay ever written. But the long workday was broken up with fireworks, rooftops, and ham and cheese sandwiches that somehow taste better when the woman you love is sitting beside you. They stroll out the double doors of the office, laughing at the fact that it will only be ten hours until they stroll back in. Jim knows he's being greedy by wanting even more time with her, but he pushes logic aside and brings out his iPod, hoping the idea of new music will make her stick around for another few minutes. Sure enough, she holds out her palm expectantly and he moves closer so they can both share the headphones. The beat is slow and they bob their heads to the rhythm. She's close enough for Jim to see the small details of her face, etched in concentration while trying to absorb the lyrics and melody. He thinks it would make for a pretty romantic story if he said it while soft acoustic music played in the background. There are always soundtracks for every love story, and this single song could be theirs. But it's cold and she's yawning, taking the ear bud out and thanking him for yet another quality purchase of music. They walk in opposite directions to their cars and he tells her to have a good night, what little is left of it. She gives him a sleepy smile and he's glad that it's only a few hours until he gets to see it again.

xx

The smell of Lake Waullenwaupack in January is far from romantic. The stale air makes Jim feel a little sick, though that's not the only thing making him nauseous. Pam says she just sometimes doesn't get Roy and then looks at him as if she's waiting for him to make a remark. And where the hell to begin, he thinks, with the multitude of reasons she's with the wrong guy. She maintains eye contact before getting a coy smile and teasing him about dating a cheerleader. He laughs and tries to think of a witty response but all that comes to mind is how he would take the artsy type over the cheerleader any day. But his mouth can't quite form the words so he just stares at her and instead of her looking shyly away, she stares right back. He doesn't like the fact that Roy is right inside, getting increasingly drunk with each snorkel shot and if he were to see anything between them, Jim would be spending the rest of the night swimming to shore. But maybe she needs to hear that someone actually gets _her_ and will spend the rest of his life doing it if she'd let him. Jim swallows hard, ready to go for it when she suddenly looks away and mutters something about the cold and walks away, leaving him leaning on the rail, thinking that the water couldn't be nearly any colder than he currently feels.

xxx

Steve usually had his back when it came to Jim's vending machine needs. But today he had failed him. One simple Coke is all it would have taken for him to be able to talk, call clients, and actually get work done. But her giddiness over watching him squirm in silence makes him think it might be worth it to slip Steve ten dollars and have him "forget" to refill the Coke on Thursday. They sit across from each other in the break room and proceed to have a one-sided discussion, Pam saying ridiculous things in an attempt to get him to break. But he holds strong, getting his own kind of revenge by watching her embarrass herself with her comments and not getting any reaction from him. She suddenly feigns shock and accuses of him having something really important to say. He merely shrugs and says with mock seriousness that he can tell her anything. Ironically, it's the silence that allows him to have the most honest conversation with her, even if she can't hear it. The shift in his expression and downcast glance to the table was subtle but on the inside he was shouting the three words he had never had the courage to say. He hears Pam clear her throat and he looks to find her once grinning face now looking worried, almost fearful. The silence shatters as Toby walks into the room, pulling a water bottle out of the fridge. He looks back and forth between the two and Pam takes the opportunity to excuse herself and go back to work. When the door closes behind her, Toby asks him what that was all about. And despite how much he'd like to vent every frustration tormenting him at that moment, Jim merely shrugs. A jinx is like a promise, and he's never broken one. Especially when it comes to her.

xxxx

He gets surprisingly emotional when he thinks that this could very well be the last Michael-schemed party he ever goes to. The transfer is ready and waiting to be accepted so when Jan says that he should tell someone about it, only one person comes to mind. He finds her in the parking lot, saying goodbye to Roy who happens to catch him walking up and asks him to look out for her. He tells him he will but mentally adds "better than you ever could." When Roy drives away, he tries to keep his tone casual, despite the feeling of his heart pounding in his throat. She reminds him of how badly she beat him in poker and he laughs nervously before asking if they could talk, hoping she doesn't notice how high-pitched his voice is. She continues to tease him and for once he'd wish she'd stop so he could get this over with. His intent is to tell her about talking to Jan, about the transfer to Stamford, about how it's a great opportunity to move forward in a career, even if it's not the ideal one. But something else comes out instead. Her face falls in disbelief and he figures that as long as it's out there, he might as well follow through. Till he hears the words "I can't" and he's never felt so helpless in his life. He tries to be strong but it's hard when he's simultaneously fighting back tears. Still one manages to trail down his cheek as he walks away from her, forcing himself not to look back. It's about ten minutes later that he goes up to the office because he can't bring himself to force a smile around colleagues in the warehouse. He hears her on the phone and it doesn't take long for him to figure out what she means by "I think I am." The words are enough to push him towards her as he goes for one more chance. Just so later he can say he tried.


End file.
